Sit
by rhapsodybree
Summary: Yes ma'am. Humorous oneshot between Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, and only borrowed the characters for a little while.

* * *

Patrick Jane was actually sound asleep on the couch in CBI headquarters when a weight suddenly landed on him.

He awoke instantly.

His first instinct was to fly up, but he found that he couldn't do this as the unexpected weight was firmly on his abdomen, trapping all movements.

Managing to get his elbows back and propping himself up, he eyed his sudden addition: Teresa Lisbon was glaring down at him from her lofty pose. 'Why did you do that?'

'Why did I do what?' he answered as if he had no clue in the world about what she was talking about.

She bounced and he winced as his internal organs were assaulted. 'Don't act dumb with me,' she threatened.

He had no chance to respond - or argue - as another person entered into the fray.

'Boss?' called Rigsby tentatively stepping into the bullpen. He stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. 'Guess you know about it then,' he said in a matter of fact tone before promptly turning around and leaving the room.

'Rigsby!' called Jane desperately from his prone state.

'Sorry man,' he apologised, still making for a quick departure. 'You dug yourself into this hole.'

'Come to my funeral,' he called woefully after the retreating back. The tall man gone, Jane muttered 'chicken' under his breath before his eyes met those of an irate Lisbon. 'Not you of course,' he said magnamously, hoping to claw his way back into her good books.

She wasn't fooled.

'Do you care to explain what on earth you were thinking when you decided to call the Governor of California, now wait, how exactly did it go?' He opened his mouth to prompt her, but swallowed the words as the fuming woman shot daggers at him.

'You don't start explaining yourself soon and I'm going to start shifting lower,' she warned. His eyes actually goggled at the prospect. 'You wouldn't?'

'Wanna bet?' she shot back, her eyes glinting.

He smiled meekly. He wasn't feeling lucky today.

Effectively cornered, he heaved a great, dramatic sigh and opened his mouth. 'Well... Cho!' His attention was happily diverted by the newest arrival. Cho's expression didn't budge one bit as he made his way over.

Jane grinned as Lisbon momentarily transferred her anger on to the inscrutable agent. 'What?'

Cho wasn't flustered. 'After Jane's little 'meeting' with the Governor, his lawyers got in touch.'

'They're co-operating?' asked Lisbon incredulously, not budging from her Jane-cushioned seat as she gestured for the papers in her agent's hands.

'What did I tell you?' said Jane cockily, his hands trying to push the still present woman off his body.

'You told me nothing,' said Lisbon shortly, ignoring his movements as she flipped through the papers. Reaching the fourth page, she pushed up from Jane's stomach without any warning. 'Well, that's interesting.'

Jane whooshed at the less than pleasant exit of the determined woman. 'What's interesting?' he asked, ignoring the pain to his abdomen as he sat up. Easing upward, he tried to see the file in Lisbon's hands.

'Sit,' ordered Lisbon, her eyes not leaving the file. 'I'm not done with you.'

He sat down promptly.

Her attention now turned to the stoic agent. 'Cho?'

'Yes Boss?'

'Get Chad Alexander in here again. There is something he so kindly forgot to mention last time we paid him a friendly visit.'

'On it.'

'Take Van Pelt with you,' she called after the departing agent.

Gripping his side, and making a very apparent show of being in pain, Jane eyed Lisbon with hurt puppy dog eyes. 'Did you really have to do that?'

She looked thoughtful for a minute before shook her head. 'No I didn't. But I really wanted to.'

'Pain loving dictator,' he muttered under his breath as Lisbon continued to stand before him.

'Well it's not like I can discipline you as an agent,' she said exasperatedly. 'And you act like a child, so short of lying you across my knee and span...' She flushed as she realised what she had said.

Ignoring the huge grin plastered on Jane's face and really not wanting to know what was going to leave his mouth next, she averted her eyes and turned on her heel. Standing in the doorway, she turned to face him. 'Don't do it again.'

Watching Lisbon stalk from the room, Jane grinned widely. Sighing happily, he took his reclined pose once again and twined his fingers. Shuffling to get comfortable, he shut his eyes, the all knowing grin still plastered on his face.

Jane 1. Lisbon 0.

Ten seconds later he was drenched. Sputtering as he flew up again, he saw the smirking woman before him. Teresa Lisbon was at a safe distance when she shook the empty jug in her hand before backing out of the door and leaving.

Patrick Jane laughed as he stood up, his clothes already sticking to him comfortably.

Looks like it was 1 all.


End file.
